Pondering

I tend to ponder many things, sometimes at the same moment. Meaning I am always thinking about something and I'll get a flash look on my face that is almost a signal one solidified. Sometimes I have one thought sometimes a dozen at a time that I am processing.The thought that has captivated most of my attention here recently is of real curiosity to me. I have had what I would consider a severe shift in priorities. One that just happened. I was thrown on a type of soul search and it all began.I never really considered myself to be intimently passionate person. It takes what seems like an eternity to be sure that I am sure that I am sure I want to share part of myself with another. On average a year give or take with the occasional instant infatuation thing. I had always been one of the guys and know much of locker room talk and had all but perfected the man game. I would do what they do to women just to tell them no. I just realized one day that I hadn't been doing that. Like the mouse the cat has been playing with finally died. I never really cared for hugs or this whole cuddling business but I woke up one day craving it badly. Things that seemed important before are no longer of any real value.In a strange way it feels like a type of dying to Self. I have gone through different forms of Soul Searching in the past and each time they seemed just as deep as this one. And it seems like that's when the answers to a number of questions I had previously wondered about come to fruition. Wisdom from diving deep within.