Curious indeed

I have been writing a bit about my best friend and as any good friend needs and deserves, he needs a name. Eros came to mind right away. The god of love? Holy loads. Hmmmm. I cannot put into words what I feel with him. I can attempt to paint pictures with words but at the same time it never comes out with the depth of the experience. And somehow, strangely, for the time, Eros seems to fit. It's kinda spooky.Like light whimsical brush strokes on a painters canvas our spirits connect and are lightened. I can feel our etheric bodies entangle quicker than do our physical selves. Thoughts of each other bring us together on another plane when we can't seem to physically be together. His face I see clearly in my sleep. Sometimes I awake and I swear I can feel him with me.My rational side wants me to wake up and smell the coffee that I'm not a kid believing in Cinderella anymore. Another side wants to embrace this growing thing we have begun to nurture and see where it goes. So far it feels like a beautiful meadow of wildflowers and trees. Babbling creek. The kind of place with in your heart where true memories are made.I have found that I love my friend dearly and it's heart wretching to say that I finally believe I understand the tortureous part of love.I'm definitely spooked.........SJ

Pondering

I tend to ponder many things, sometimes at the same moment. Meaning I am always thinking about something and I'll get a flash look on my face that is almost a signal one solidified. Sometimes I have one thought sometimes a dozen at a time that I am processing.The thought that has captivated most of my attention here recently is of real curiosity to me. I have had what I would consider a severe shift in priorities. One that just happened. I was thrown on a type of soul search and it all began.I never really considered myself to be intimently passionate person. It takes what seems like an eternity to be sure that I am sure that I am sure I want to share part of myself with another. On average a year give or take with the occasional instant infatuation thing. I had always been one of the guys and know much of locker room talk and had all but perfected the man game. I would do what they do to women just to tell them no. I just realized one day that I hadn't been doing that. Like the mouse the cat has been playing with finally died. I never really cared for hugs or this whole cuddling business but I woke up one day craving it badly. Things that seemed important before are no longer of any real value.In a strange way it feels like a type of dying to Self. I have gone through different forms of Soul Searching in the past and each time they seemed just as deep as this one. And it seems like that's when the answers to a number of questions I had previously wondered about come to fruition. Wisdom from diving deep within.

Insanity hit.

I had my son at horseback riding lessons today and noticed the child has hit puberty. OMG the mood swings. Life has taken an interesting twist. I think I shall need a four year supply of Jagermeister to get me through......Just kidding. All I can do is say wow, this is getting interesting.........SJ

Embrace

I hug you and I feel like that's where I belong and honestly that's the only place where I want to be.......................SJ

Holy wow

My best friend and I made out by the fire last night and it was magnificent. I love the feeling of his strong arms around me, the touches. As our tongues just brush a lip, our lips lock onto the others and it's magical. I could stand there for hours doing just that. I used to think that the Disney movies that portray fireworks when the magic couple kissed as stupid, but now it all makes sense somehow! It's curious that he knows to touch me just so, as I seem to with him. The energy we share between us is incredible. I have longed for an energy playfriend for what seems like forever, I have wished upon many moons and yet I question it. Why? Part of me wishes I hadn't waited a year plus to discover this yet it was good that we have created a deep bond first. Why is it that I fear so terribly the very thing I want most badly?I am beginning to wonder if I have found the answer to one of my longest running queries: What's the difference between love and infatuation? The answer that has always been given to me is: Time shall tell. I've always hated that answer but it seems so.