Stillness

I had an awesome day with my bf today. We hung out and bonded. It felt like it was long overdue. One of those later realizations. To be back in each others arms. Kissing. Touching. Feeling. To make love, to cook dinner, grab a shower and then to be passionate once more before he was wisped away to something else.
Although the act of letting go while he goes home each time is becoming more familiar, it is becoming increasingly harder and more painful to say goodnight. Good night? Although it was a good night, the separation and the lump in my heart feels not so good. I know if I didn't love him it wouldn't pain me so.
So my mind is mostly quiet tonight. I feel for once as if I had pondered all I possibly could for the day. I have things I daydream about but I don't know if that would actually be a form of ruminating or pondering. There is only one thing that I can honestly say I am pondering but it is premature by far, at least I think it is.....LOL Like quiet pondering. It feels more like my subconscious is doing most of the work on this one. I have vague thoughts about it yet not the chewing of the cud of a thought like when I ruminate on something.
So I shall feel his arms wrapped around me, like a blanket, as I fall asleep.
SJ